Really?

As you all know, there are currently two toddlers living in my house. They are the most adorable freeloaders ever (I might be a tad biased). But being around them day in and day out, has left me in a constant state of confusion. This confusion coupled with the SNL news skit “Really? With Seth and Amy,” and maybe a wee bit of wine has inspired me to come up with my own list for my two little Kato’s.

Why Did THAT Seem Like a Good Idea?!?! By Sandee

(usually said far louder than my usual speaking voice, four octaves higher, with my arms thrown up in the air in exasperation)

1.) Charlie, you’ve been potty trained for almost a year, and I get that accidents happen. That’s cool. But when it happens, why do you sit there in your wet and/or smelly pants until I notice the state of you? Why did that seem like a good idea?

2.) Guys, you were all sweetly snuggled on the couch watching Team Omizoomi when I ran upstairs to make your dinner. Less than a minute later both of you are screaming like someone lit you on fire. I run to you as fast as possible, heart pounding, expecting to see some sort of carnage. Except, you are both exactly where you were a minute ago. When I get you calmed down enough, I discover that you each put your pointer finger in the others mouth and you both bit down as hard as you could. What? Why did that seem like a good idea?

3.) You both get tired to the point of following me around the house sobbing for no apparent reason. So I take you to your room, read you a soothing story, and lovingly tuck you in to your bed. And. You. Cry. Sometimes for an hour. Why are you forcing yourself to stay awake? Why did that seem like a good idea?

(I would pay a lot of American dollars for someone to come to my house, read me my favorite story, sing me a lullaby, tuck me in to my bed and say “now you just stay here for 2-3 hours and sleep, darling” and Then. Go. Away.)

4.) Tilly, you aren’t potty trained but you hate diapers. You’ve also hated my attempts to put you on the big kid potty chair, like I am offending you in some way. Most of the time you tell me when you go potty. When you don’t, I discover it when you’ve taken off your diaper and slid across the floor “dog with worms” style. Why did that seem like a good idea?

(Fortunately, this has only happened twice. But the scars are deep *I say weeping quietly*, the scars are deep)

5.) In our little gated community if you see a car on the street, you freak out and quickly “run to the fence!” like you’ve been taught. Yet when we are out and about (particularly in parking lots) you seem to have a death wish as you attempt to dart in front of moving cars. Why? To play chicken? Why did that seem like a good idea?

Ladies, what am I forgetting? I know there’s more.

Posted under Funny crap kids say, Out and about by Sandee Harned