House of Horrors

Every generation has annoying toys. My parents dealt with Rock-em Sock-em Robots, Legos, Barbie and Baby Alive. I am sure some of these were annoying to my parents, particularly stepping on a Lego with bare feet. I was a child thirty years ago, however. New technology makes for a whole new breed of children’s toys. Some of these toys have the ability to give me multiple heart attacks on any given day. All of them, just happen to be among my kids favorites. Hiding them would be immediately noticed, so everyday I have to be on watch. They could be anywhere. Also, they are all light sensor activated, so they immediately start up with the flick of a switch.

Recordable storybooks.
I love these, I do. I think that they are wonderful mementos for Charlie and Tilly to have for the future. As much as we try to ignore it, no one lasts forever.  I would love to have recordings of my grandparents reading me a story. They are sweet and the kids love them. It’s also nice that at story time before bed, when they climb up in my lap and ask if Grammy can read them their goodnight book. All I have to do is turn the page.

What isn’t cool is when the book gets left somewhere, open, and I unknowingly turn on the light and my mother-in-law’s disembodied voice starts talking out of no where. I can’t tell you how many times I have been startled by this. Sometimes numerous times per day.

Cookie.
This was a gift from Santa, that jackass. It’s a puppy that growls, whines, pants, barks, moves its head and wags it’s tail. Cookie’s main problem is that when it growls and whines, it isn’t very loud. So you will hear it, but you aren’t quite sure what you are hearing. Then out of the corner of your eye, you see something furry moving near the ground. Rodent in the house! Gah!
Damn you Cookie!

Little Mommy: Hide and Peek doll.
This evil little thing is my nemesis. And Tilly loves this baby. Loves. It. This “gift” was chosen by my normally awesome sister-in-law for Christmas. She apologized when she gave it too us. Later in the same day, she also admitted that she was happy to get the creepy thing out of her house.

Hide and Peek, plays peek-a-boo, so she moves and she talks. It’s unsettling to hear an unexpected disembodied voice when you walk into a room. It’s startling when there’s a furry thing growling at you and moving on the floor. It’s downright terrifying when you flip on the bathroom light at 2am and something starts moving and saying “I see you mommy!” or “Where am I…..aaaaaaBOO!” Sweet Moses!

For every three gray hairs that my children give me, I believe one is added by the terrifying toys that have moved into my house along with them. At this rate, my hair color will resemble Betty Whites by the time Tilly starts kindergarten. Someone help me. I am far too young for this hairdo.

Do your kids have things like these? How do you deal?

Posted under Everything else, Uncategorized by Sandee Harned